Crowning Glory or Lackluster Frizzball?

I have a love/hate relationship with my hair. Love how it looks when I leave the salon, but hate that I can't quite duplicate that same look @ home. One of the things I'm trying to do is grow my hair. Most of my adult life it's been on the shorter side, but the truth is I love long flowing thick, lustrous Rapunzel hair. I know the rules say women over fifty or FORTY, depending on whose version of the rule book you read are supposed to ditch the long locks, but I think that has more to do with the tendency of hair to thin as we age. And no one looks good in long stringy hair. I sure don't want to be one of those older women with grey no body droopy frazzled looking locks permanently trapped in 1972. You know what I'm talking about. But I still have a lot of hair, so I can pull off long.

 The cool thing about hair is that pretty much anyone can have a decent looking style. I mean think about it. A lot of us, yours truly included, may not have gorgeous faces, smooth skin, or great figures, but nice hair is fairly easy to get. Ok I understand that inner beauty is much more important, our outer person is fading away, and those of us over fifty are not going to look as fresh or youthful as our twenty something daughters, etc, yada, yada. But I'm just saying when we do want to get our pretty on, hair is a great place to start cuz you can see immediate results. Yes, patience is a virtue, but a dose of instant glamour every once in a while probably isn't going  to kill anyone..

  True confession, I color my hair. I don't like how much darker my color has become or the large amounts of grey that have appeared. Now some women can pull that off. But with my very light skin and brown eyes and tendency toward dark under eye circles, I am not one of those women! I need some brightness and warmth around my face. Which is why I do reddish brown with golden highlights. It also suits my personality better then the coffee colored strands with streaks of grey. Next to my pale skin, it makes me look like Dracula's mom. (Or at least his much older sister).

But in my quest to have hair that looks more like a Disney princess than a demonic entity, I seem to have reached a stand still in length. I'm tempted to cut it shorter again cuz right now it's @ that awkward just barely on the cusp of long stage, an annoying length that hits the bra line and where the back tends to fall partly inside the collar of any loose fitting shirts. So I'm looking for ways to help it grow without having to throw out my blow dryer, curling irons, or straightener. Cuz my hair is crazy weird when left au naturalle. Straight strands next to curly next to old lady s wave next to one end flipping up another down another sideways. My hair has more personalities than Sybil!

 So I've been reading about this shampoo called Follicure that's supposed to help your hair grow, or at least make it thicker and fuller looking. They sell it at Sally Beauty Supply, so I thought I'd give it a try. Will let you know what I think. Anyone know of any other ideas to help hair grow?

The Centurion's Wife

I'm reading a book now that I was able to download on my kindle for free. It's a Christian historical fiction novel called The Centurion's Wife by Francine Rivers, who happens to be one of my fave authors. I've just finished chap 11 and am really liking it. Of course, I love historical fiction anyway, and add in a Christian theme, and as long as the writing is decent, I'm hooked. And Francine has got her some excellent writing skills. The girl can definitely tell a story that holds your interest. Trust me, if I say someone's a good writer, then they are cuz I am one picky chick. After all, my degree is in English, and I did teach it eons ago bk (before kids). I can't stand some of those sappy, cookie cutter, formulaic romance novels. Not even the Christian ones! Gag! Yuck! Puke! Sometimes I wonder why those women make such good money with such drivel!

Sorry about that little rabbit trail. I don't know why Jim thinks I might have ADHD! Lol. But anyway, this book is a far cry from that stuff! I love to read good books, and I like it even better when they're free, and better still when I can start right away, which makes my kindle (ok really Jim's kindle but who cares about technicalities?) such a great thing! I know I can also check books out of the library, which I also do, but I live in Podunk here, and our library doesn't have a lot on the shelves. Yes, I can request any book in their system, but then I have to wait til it gets here. And then I have to keep track and get it back on time, or @ least before the fine becomes equivalent to a small country's GNP. Not that I'm saying it's ever happened to me. Much.

I'm excited too cuz this is the first book of the series, so that means the journey isn't over once this one ends. Hoping I can get the other ones in the kindle version too, but will go with print if I have to.

So I would most definitely recommend this book that takes place in first century Judea shortly after the death and resurrection of Jesus. What are some of the books you are currently reading or have enjoyed in the past? Would love to hear about them.

Jammies Day

Today has been a stay in jammies  and be a bed/couch potato day. Something I'm trying in general NOT to do. But I woke up exhausted and am having my time of month. Yep still get those like clockwork despite being almost 51 now. Most other girls I know in my age bracket have stopped or at least are slowing down. Then there's me. I'm more regular now than I was in my twenties and thirties. What's up with that??? Anyway, not gonna feel guilty for taking a day to rest. That's ok to do once in a while. Sometimes one day of rest will prevent a week of burn out. My family is well able to take care of their own basic needs for a day. In fact, I think it might even be good for them. ;-)

Delays

The garden project is on hold for now. I have hotter irons in the fire these days. And no, despite my age, I'm not talking about hot flashes! I don't really get those anyway. I think I still have plenty of estrogen in my system. More likely too much rather than not enough since I have many of the symptoms of estrogen dominance. Like being majorly overweight. Oh the joy of female hormones out of balance! Of course, being a carb loving lady, especially the ones in the chocolate category who has trouble with the whole concept of moderation in anything, might also have SOMETHING to do with it.😁

The hotter irons would be getting my home and family in order. This has always been a struggle for me. I'm not a naturally neat, tidy, organized, jump up and do it type person. I'm more of an ADD, artsy, need time to process, let's have coffee and build relationships type of person who has a hard time figuring out how much time and space things require. Jim also is very artsy/creative and at times easily side tracked. Most of our kids are organizationally challenged as well, and the one who isn't has a lot of health issues, which makes it hard for her to stay on top of stuff.

Anyway, a couple of weeks ago, I just basically started to crash and burn. Life just became overwhelming. The combo of kid issues ( all five have been living here this summer, and certain pairs and combos don't exactly exude harmonious interactions ), too many cats ( 10 ) for a while, finances, finding out all of a sudden that may daycare job was going to end shortly ( we really need the money ), Jim being way too busy with work and other things, and lots of sickness/ health issues in the family, along with being under the weather myself for several days just left me depleted of energy, and so, pretty much nothing got done.

Toward the end of last week, I decided I needed to work.on getting my life in better order. It wasn't particularly well ordered even before the mini crash, so I figured I'd just start from scratch. I'm working on making a home management binder. I just have a little bit in there so far, but it's a start. I put in a blank monthly calendar and wrote in all of our planned stuff for August as well as a weekly calendar, which I filled in. Then I printed off a daily checklist. Not necessarily things I'm doing, but things I should be. I put that inside a page protector. This includes things like meal prep, dishes/kitchen clean up after meals, sorting through mail, making my bed, and straightening up the house. I've been able to get everything else other than the straightening up under control. My house is such a mess! It would take several hours to get it all picked up. And I'm not even talking about clean. Just straightened. In other words, do not come visit me at this juncture unless you are extremely brave AND up to date on all your shots! But I am working on the straightening up thing. The kitchen and dining room are surface clean and reasonably neat most of the time, and now my bedroom is too, so progress is happening. I've also been whittling down the laundry mountain by doing a load or two each day, and for the past couple days have been making sure I get dressed, do my hair and make up as well as my daily grooming/hygiene and showering as needed. So that's my honest, real life non Martha Stewart, imperfect state of hearth and home at this juncture. My natural prideful tendency would be to cover it up and hide  as a defense against being judged by others who would probably have to be dead before their home and family ever fell into this degree of disarray. But I'm doing my best not to do that. Cuz that gives others WAY too much power over my life, and no one should have that much dominion over my sense of value except for God. Do I believe he wants more order in my life? Absolutely. But I also believe that He's pleased to see me on the journey and pours out His grace and love even when the destination looms far in the distance. He loves me just as much in my mess as He will at any other point in eternity. And besides even those girls with neat, clean, pretty, Martha Stewart standard homes and lives have their own " messy " areas. Maybe they don't show up outwardly, but everyone has their struggles. We are imperfect beings living in a fallen world. But thankfully we have a perfect and infallible God of grace, mercy, and help.

The Garden Project

Ok, I'm wondering if anyone is actually reading this. Big SIGH! After looking at my space I at least have been able to figure out what my first step needs to be. I have to clear out the current jungle residing in the home of my future garden. I think the big lopper we have (not sure if that's its official name since I'm basically illiterate in Gardenese) will be sufficient for most of it anyway. I'll also need to buy some garden gloves since I really don't want to get my hands all scratched up. So when I'm able to, I'll visit good old Wally World to make that purchase. Not really anything else I can do til then.

DIY Continued

I've decided that I would like to plant a garden. This is a HUGE undertaking for me since I know less than nothing about gardening. I'm the type of person who can kill plastic plants. But currently my yard looks like an ad for Redneck Times, a far cry from my desire for a romantic cottage style environment. I'm thinking about planting some perennials in the dirt along the side of my house that faces the yard. I have to figure out what grows here, and whether it's full sun, full shade, or something in between. How do you figure that out anyway? It's on south side of the house if that makes any difference. I don't know anything about soil or if I need fertilizer or what to do to keep away animals or flower disease or how much to water or even if the baby plants that spring up are the flowers or weeds. For those of you who have this basic knowledge, you can stop rolling your eyes, and start sharing the info thank you very much. I also think it would be pretty to add a little fountain. I have one friend who's an expert professional landscaper, and now that I think of it, so is my cousin. Catherine, HELP!!!! The one advantage of knowing zilch about this is that anyone I know can probably help me cuz no matter how little knowledge they have, it's still more than I do. I figure that since my children are now older and more independent (in theory anyway), I should have a hobby (other than consuming chocolate while watching multiple episodes of Once Upon a Time on Netflix). I do love flowers, and would like to actually enjoy sitting in my yard. I know this one thing won't completely transform my yard into the romantic cottage hideaway of my dreams, but hey, it's a start! Would love some ideas here! Anyone know what kind of flowers these are and if they grow in Minnesota? I just love this little garden!

DIY

I am not a dyi person by nature. My brain doesn't work that way. I can come up with an idea or concept but really struggle with the "how" process. But since this jubilee season is now upon me, why not try some new things? So, my question is: "How does one become a more dyi person?" Is there a class I can take, a book I can read, or people I can connect with? Does it matter that I'm not naturally talented at making stuff? What would be a good starting project? For now, I'm thinking of just googling dyi and seeing what I find. Would really love some other ideas or recommendations.Would love to hear about your dyi projects as well..

Next Outfit

My next clothing items on my wish list are a sundress and a light weight white cardigan. I've found them online, but they are out of my price range at this juncture. So I'm keeping my eyes open at thrift stores in the meantime.

Recently Purchased

 A couple weeks ago while browsing at Wally World (the place my husband refers to as "the cabin" because of how often we visit... Wish we actually did have a cabin retreat----- sigh!------ But I digress!), I found two pairs of earrings sold together for $5. One was just plain gold colored knots, but it was the other pair that were sooooo me. They were kind of a milky mint green colored stone surrounded by rhinestones and gold metal. Aren't they pretty? I can't wait to wear them!

                                                               

Then for Mother's Day, my daughter bought me this gorgeous pair.

Love them all! Now which one will I wear first?

Today's Outfit

OK I know I really should post a pic, but there's no one here to take it, and it's already well into the evening.... But I just thought it would be fun to share what I wore today. I like reading about different outfit ideas, so maybe if I share mine, I will be blessed to have some other ladies share theirs. So today I had to take my daughter to the dr for a check up. Other than that I've been home. I wore a royal blue V neck long sleeve abstract floral graphic tee (Walmart) with an above the knee black knit skirt with small cut outs over a beige lining (Walmart clearance for a couple dollars), black suede ankle boots (also Walmart), round black thread big circle earrings (Walmart) and a gold initial necklace (gift), gold bangle (Forever 21 for $2). I wore my few inches past shoulder length hair down in slight beachy waves held back on one side by a bobby pin. Would love to hear some other outfit suggestions for everyday wear as well as find out what other women who dress casually are wearing. Happy outfitting, girls!

Fashioning my Fifties

I like fashion. Ok that may not be entirely accurate. It's not really fashion per se that I'm into. It's more about having fun with clothes and putting together my own look, fashionable or not. I confess I like to buy clothes and accessories. It gives me a lift to get something pretty to add to my wardrobe. It's my grown up version of playing dress up when I create different looks by mixing and matching pieces. I don't have many hard and fast rules for navigating the outfits for this adventure, but I do have a few general guidelines. I believe as a Christian woman, I should dress modestly and in a manner that celebrates my femininity.I realize modest is a pretty non specific term, meaning different things to different people. I don't think I have to be entirely covered up from head to toe. Rather, I try to avoid anything too tight. Not that I want to swim in my clothes. It's ok to show some shape, but I try to use discretion. Showing that I have curves is one thing; outlining in graphic detail every roll and indentation of this middle aged body that is about 100 lbs overweight is quite another! Besides avoiding the tackiness of too tight, I also try not to wear anything too low or too short. Too low for me is flashing cleavage. Too short would be anything more than a few inches above the knee. I figure no one really needs to know the color of my bra or the pattern on my undies. Other than workout wear or grubbies for a really messy job, I'm a skirts or dresses girl. Yep u read that right. I don't normally wear pants. What? How can I live without jeans? Strangely, somehow I have managed. Though I do have three or four denim skirts and a denim jumper. Hey, I am after all a homeschooling mom, so I gotta have one of those, right? There are a few reasons I wear just skirts and dresses. But one of them is that from the time I was little, I've always preferred them. I am very much a girly girl, and one of the ways I express that is by wearing exclusively girl stuff. Ok I suppose guys could wear skirts, but generally speaking, dresses and skirts are something special just for girls.I also usually don't spend much on clothing. Don't get me wrong; I drool over well made designer pieces, but I just don't have that kind of money to spend on outfits.You might say I'm a Nordstroms girl on a thrift store budget! Speaking of thrift stores, I love them! It's just so fun to see what's there from week to week.You never know what you will find.I'm pretty picky though. Any clothes I get have to look new or very gently used. I also look at the clearance racks at department stores. I've found things for as little as $3 at times. So that's how I do fashion. Sometimes it can be a challenge to find items that are frugal ,feminine, modest,and plus size, especially when you stick to dresses and skirts and buy mostly casual things, but I'm living proof it can be done. And not only done, but fun! I may be fifty, and I may be plus sized, but settle for boring and frumpy? Not this girl!

Security and Love

In some ways, now is the best part of my life so far. Emotionally, I'm in a safe and secure place. I'd even go as far as to say this is the most stable I've ever been. So anyone who might think I'm a little on the nuts side, well, what you're seeing now is nothing,baby! So ok what's behind the stability produced by those feelings of safety and security? I think the big thing is feeling genuinely loved, not for the need I meet in someone else, but just truly cared for, nurtured, and protected. I think that's what I've unknowingly been looking for all my life. I didn't have that growing up. My parents were and continue to be two very broken and hurting people. They aren't evil monsters. Just two people who unexpectedly ended up with a child and were are unable to see past their own hurts and emotional dysfunctions well enough to properly nurture and raise a child or to relate in a healthy close way to an adult daughter. Do I still feel that pain? Yep. Do I choose to let it define me or cripple my life? No way. We all have our pains and challenges. We live in a fallen world. Even the young, rich, beautiful, talented, famous, brilliant, successful, healthy people experience yuck in their lives. I lived with a single mom with borderline personality disorder. And in case you don't know what that is, suffice it to say, it's a pretty pervasive mental illness that gives you a severely skewed perception of life in general and people in particular and pretty much keeps you a toddler emotionally while intellectually and physically you develop normally. So these people aren't particularly well suited to parenting. I existed to meet my mom's needs. (I still do.) I was aware even as a three year old that I was supposed to take care of her. She has always been very needy emotionally, and I was expected to meet those needs, and oh the tantrums and accusations and drama if I didn't...

But thankfully God is greater than my past! I accepted Jesus Christ as my savior when I was nine, but it wasn't until I became a mom that I really began to develop a closer relationship with Him and trust Him with my life. I still have a ways to go as far as letting go of some unhealthy mindsets, but I've come a long way from where I was in my twenties and thirties. I'm at the point now where, for the most part, I really do place my security in God rather than people, possessions, and circumstances. Not to say that those don't at times cause me heartache, frustration, and disappointment. But I'm determined by the grace of God (and maybe even a little red headed stubbornness) to refuse to let them utterly crush me.

And although my ultimate security is in God alone, I do concede that it helps to have an amazing husband. I know I'm very blessed to have this man. After nearly 25 years of marriage, I hold no illusions of him being perfect. I'm well aware of his shortcomings and he of mine. But God knew what He was doing when He put us together. Jim is so well suited to me. He's just the right combo of what I need and desire. Honestly, I don't think most men would be a good fit for me. I'm a little odd in some ways. Not cutting myself down, but I'm just sort of an unusual combination of traits. Like I'm kind of bookish and academic on some things but dumber than a rock on others. It's funny sometimes cuz people who know the ditzy side of me are pretty shocked when they find out I'm actually quite intelligent, and people who think I'm a brainiac can't believe some of the ordinary stuff I have trouble with. I'm very girly girl but not prissy or afraid of hard work. I'm usually super flexible and accommodating, yet I can also be very strong willed (Jim calls it stubborn. I prefer the term "tenacious") I love being around people, but I also enjoy time alone. Things that scare "normal" people don't bother me that much, but there are other things that are no big deal to 99.99 % of the world that I have huge struggles with. I love ballet and orchestra concerts but also am a fan of Tinkerbell and "You might be a redneck if...." jokes. I can be both highly emotional and precisely logical (though usually not at the same time). And these are just a few examples of my dichotomies. And yes, there are still some very tender and broken places within my soul. But somehow for some reason, Jim "gets" me (for the most part). He's the balance I need. He's pretty good at knowing when to give me space, when to come in close, when to intervene, when to comfort, and even when and how to confront cuz every once in a while I can be well... ya know, the "w" word. Wrong. And my natural, old patterns tend toward self destruct, so a passive hubby would be a VERY bad thing for me. But a Neanderthal, "Get me a sandwich, Wench! I'm the Master of the house. MUUUU HAHA!"would either rile me up to do the exact opposite or break my heart or maybe both. He might get the sandwich because God does tell wives we are to submit to our husbands, BUT it might end up on his head rather than a plate. Just saying. But Jim is neither a wuss nor a bully. Instead he's the warrior I need who comes alongside me and fights battles and makes it his priority to love and protect me. And yes, that may sound old fashioned, but newsflash, "I don't care!" My culture would not approve. Some of my liberal relatives would most likely not approve. Probably not Oprah either. But hey, I didn't ask them. I've finally figured out after knowing Jim for 26 years, that he loves me unconditionally and isn't going to abandon me even when I mess up. And yes, that helps me feel safe as well.

God fills the holes in my soul that were left empty during childhood because I wasn't emotionally nourished or protected or led in a healthy way. He does it through His Word and Spirit and time spent with Him, but He also often uses Jim, who himself depends on God, as the tangible human vessel through whom He ministers that fullness. It's still God who meets my needs, but what an awesome thing to know my husband loves me enough to be a conduit in that process. I am indeed a blessed woman. I am safe. I am secure. I am loved!

Introduction

Welcome to my brand new blog! I turned the big 5-0 a few months back, & instead of getting bummed out about hitting that milestone where I cross over to being an older person, I've decided to embrace it! I mean, it's not like I can change it. Besides, when you consider the alternative to getting older..... well, let's just say that comparatively speaking, increasing one's age is a good thing. In the Bible, every 50 years, there was a jubilee, a time of celebration, when debts were cancelled, a fresh start. Pretty awesome I'd say! So I'm calling this my jubilee adventure as I go forward on this journey called life. I'm not limiting myself to any particular topic here. Just planning to share bits of my passions, challenges, thoughts, feelings, ideas, and interests. In other words, this could be quite the hodge podge. Would love to read your comments and questions or your ideas about topics for future posts.